Why Would I Set My Own House On Fire?
I was on my way to the kitchen to fetch a sippy cup when I smelled the smoke. It was coming from the backyard and when I got outside I observed that the house was on fire. Of course, I evacuated the family and called the fire department as soon as I could. But, the house was lost.
It was terrible. The wife and children were devastated. We had lost our most treasured possessions and along with those things we had lost our past.
Imagine my astonishment when the fire marshall suggested the possibility that I set my own house on fire.
Can you imagine anything more far fetched?
According to the fire marshall there were trace elements of kerosene leading from the point of ignition to the garden shed in the backyard.
“Could not some wayward teen have stolen kerosene from the shed and started the fire?” I asked.
“Well”, as he stroked his chin thoughtfully,”that’s possible, I guess. But, how would he know the combination to the padlock, there’s no sign of forced entry.”
“What if I said that I found the latch unlocked and relocked it myself after the fire?”
“Are you saying that?” he replied.
“Positively I’m saying that”, I said. “In any event, why would I set my own house on fire?”
“Any number of reasons”, he answered while taking pictures of the padlock, “sometimes people do it for the insurance money and sometimes people do it for irrational reasons.”
“Or maybe not for the insurance money and maybe for perfectly rational reasons.”, I said and then added,”you are looking for somebody else.”
“From my perspective that has yet to be determined. If you are innocent then pardon my suspicions. The deal is that we can’t let people burn things down and I’ve got my job to do.”
I told him that I understood and we shook hands. I gave him the soul style handshake with the fingers wrapped around the thumb and the hands at 135 degress. Then I put on a baby blue bandana and folded the corner over the top of my head and tucked it under to knot in the back. Then I returned to Extended Stay America and picked up a pizza on the way. The wife and children were at the mall to buy new clothes, so I watched TV for a while and ate some pizza and then called Janette. I left a message. It was a that point I went to the Angel of the Winds casino and asked them to cash the check from this TV ad lawyer who makes advances on large cash settlements. Then I lost $150,000 after being up $27,000.
Some guys don’t know when to walk away!
Back at the hotel I found a note from the wife saying that she was taking the children to her parents and was, of all things, FILING FOR DIVORCE. Gobsmacked, I wondered how she could have found out about the casino and then remembered giving Janette the number for the hotel. She must have called at the wrong time. Then I tried to remember if I told Janette I was married.
And if that wasn’t icing on the cake, the Bellingham police came by with a warrant for my arrest. Thank goodness I had a good lawyer, Pat Lakey, who got me acquitted in a trial by jury. So, instead of prison I was drowning in legal fees including the $150,000 advance. Can you imagine that I was very eager to get that settlement .
I should have gotten $310,000, what I got was zero dollars because the insurance man said that the circumstances of the fire were suspicious even though I was acquitted by a legal jury. “I was acquitted,” I told him, “whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?”
“We have a different threshold for culpibility than a criminal court.” The adjuster said.
So, without money even to pay a hotel bill, I looked up this particular man I met on the street named Les. Les taught me how to manufacture meth and I started cooking in my suite at Extended Stay America.
I burned down the building, but this time NO ONE could say it wasn’t an accident.
Everything was lost for sure at that point. All I had were the clothes I was wearing. I called Janette who must have taken meth herself because she wasn’t enthusiastic about me coming over to stay for a few weeks.This made me feel insecure about our relationship. I asked Les if I could stay a few nights at his place and he said sure. But, when I woke up the next morning Les was lying on my back, grinding me with his private personal place and I had to scram. Les said that he was confused about my bandana. So I went looking for the ex-wife and discovered that she was going to a some megachurch in Fairview. You better believe that I started going there myself and got involved in a man’s group. And wouldn’t you bet that I got to know the Pastor pretty well. He even set up a meeting between me and the wife at Denny's. Around that time someone gave me a copy of “The Love Dare” and I had an idea to bring it along.
“Have you read it?” she asked.
“Read it?”
“Oh Ray .” She said
“Megan, would you let me move in with you?” I asked, and the bitch said no which made me wonder who was fucking her.
Then she asked me a strange question,“don’t you want to see your children? I mean, I wouldn't let you, but don’t you want to see them?"
“See my children,” is what I remember saying.
Of course, I followed her home and watched her place for several days and I saw a man drop her off one night, but he didn’t stay. Then I called Janette.
“I just called to tell you that I’m getting back together with my wife” I said. I told her that everything was straightened out with the law and that I found a job and that I was getting right with The Lord.
She said that was great.”I hope we run into each other some day,” she said.
“How about tonight?” I asked her.
“I thought you were getting back together with your wife?” Then she called me a bad boy and asked me over. You know the rest.
Postscript: subject agreed to donate his brain to research, during which no chemical or structural abnormalities were found. Subject confimed court statements that he did not use pornography or drugs. He also stated that he had no recollection of childhood bedwetting or animal torture.
Notably, the subject demonstrated behavior anomolous to the Shepherds-Grieves Sociopathological Behavior Matrix. For example, while the subject requested the congruent “surf and turf” last meal, he left the food unconsumed and opted instead for the salisbury steak and string beans served to the general prison population. And while the subject requested a blue bandana be made available, subject did not wear the the object during the termination event. Instead, it was found in the cell carefully wrapped around a photograph of the subject’s family, along with a laminated religious image of what is referred to as “the holy family”. These behaviors may intimate dynamics even more disturbing than those represented by the behavior matrix.
In conclusion: additional resources would make it possible to further study subject’s brain physiology, possibly yielding results which lead to future profile identification and behavior modification and the inherent cost benefit results.
It was terrible. The wife and children were devastated. We had lost our most treasured possessions and along with those things we had lost our past.
Imagine my astonishment when the fire marshall suggested the possibility that I set my own house on fire.
Can you imagine anything more far fetched?
According to the fire marshall there were trace elements of kerosene leading from the point of ignition to the garden shed in the backyard.
“Could not some wayward teen have stolen kerosene from the shed and started the fire?” I asked.
“Well”, as he stroked his chin thoughtfully,”that’s possible, I guess. But, how would he know the combination to the padlock, there’s no sign of forced entry.”
“What if I said that I found the latch unlocked and relocked it myself after the fire?”
“Are you saying that?” he replied.
“Positively I’m saying that”, I said. “In any event, why would I set my own house on fire?”
“Any number of reasons”, he answered while taking pictures of the padlock, “sometimes people do it for the insurance money and sometimes people do it for irrational reasons.”
“Or maybe not for the insurance money and maybe for perfectly rational reasons.”, I said and then added,”you are looking for somebody else.”
“From my perspective that has yet to be determined. If you are innocent then pardon my suspicions. The deal is that we can’t let people burn things down and I’ve got my job to do.”
I told him that I understood and we shook hands. I gave him the soul style handshake with the fingers wrapped around the thumb and the hands at 135 degress. Then I put on a baby blue bandana and folded the corner over the top of my head and tucked it under to knot in the back. Then I returned to Extended Stay America and picked up a pizza on the way. The wife and children were at the mall to buy new clothes, so I watched TV for a while and ate some pizza and then called Janette. I left a message. It was a that point I went to the Angel of the Winds casino and asked them to cash the check from this TV ad lawyer who makes advances on large cash settlements. Then I lost $150,000 after being up $27,000.
Some guys don’t know when to walk away!
Back at the hotel I found a note from the wife saying that she was taking the children to her parents and was, of all things, FILING FOR DIVORCE. Gobsmacked, I wondered how she could have found out about the casino and then remembered giving Janette the number for the hotel. She must have called at the wrong time. Then I tried to remember if I told Janette I was married.
And if that wasn’t icing on the cake, the Bellingham police came by with a warrant for my arrest. Thank goodness I had a good lawyer, Pat Lakey, who got me acquitted in a trial by jury. So, instead of prison I was drowning in legal fees including the $150,000 advance. Can you imagine that I was very eager to get that settlement .
I should have gotten $310,000, what I got was zero dollars because the insurance man said that the circumstances of the fire were suspicious even though I was acquitted by a legal jury. “I was acquitted,” I told him, “whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?”
“We have a different threshold for culpibility than a criminal court.” The adjuster said.
So, without money even to pay a hotel bill, I looked up this particular man I met on the street named Les. Les taught me how to manufacture meth and I started cooking in my suite at Extended Stay America.
I burned down the building, but this time NO ONE could say it wasn’t an accident.
Everything was lost for sure at that point. All I had were the clothes I was wearing. I called Janette who must have taken meth herself because she wasn’t enthusiastic about me coming over to stay for a few weeks.This made me feel insecure about our relationship. I asked Les if I could stay a few nights at his place and he said sure. But, when I woke up the next morning Les was lying on my back, grinding me with his private personal place and I had to scram. Les said that he was confused about my bandana. So I went looking for the ex-wife and discovered that she was going to a some megachurch in Fairview. You better believe that I started going there myself and got involved in a man’s group. And wouldn’t you bet that I got to know the Pastor pretty well. He even set up a meeting between me and the wife at Denny's. Around that time someone gave me a copy of “The Love Dare” and I had an idea to bring it along.
“Have you read it?” she asked.
“Read it?”
“Oh Ray .” She said
“Megan, would you let me move in with you?” I asked, and the bitch said no which made me wonder who was fucking her.
Then she asked me a strange question,“don’t you want to see your children? I mean, I wouldn't let you, but don’t you want to see them?"
“See my children,” is what I remember saying.
Of course, I followed her home and watched her place for several days and I saw a man drop her off one night, but he didn’t stay. Then I called Janette.
“I just called to tell you that I’m getting back together with my wife” I said. I told her that everything was straightened out with the law and that I found a job and that I was getting right with The Lord.
She said that was great.”I hope we run into each other some day,” she said.
“How about tonight?” I asked her.
“I thought you were getting back together with your wife?” Then she called me a bad boy and asked me over. You know the rest.
Postscript: subject agreed to donate his brain to research, during which no chemical or structural abnormalities were found. Subject confimed court statements that he did not use pornography or drugs. He also stated that he had no recollection of childhood bedwetting or animal torture.
Notably, the subject demonstrated behavior anomolous to the Shepherds-Grieves Sociopathological Behavior Matrix. For example, while the subject requested the congruent “surf and turf” last meal, he left the food unconsumed and opted instead for the salisbury steak and string beans served to the general prison population. And while the subject requested a blue bandana be made available, subject did not wear the the object during the termination event. Instead, it was found in the cell carefully wrapped around a photograph of the subject’s family, along with a laminated religious image of what is referred to as “the holy family”. These behaviors may intimate dynamics even more disturbing than those represented by the behavior matrix.
In conclusion: additional resources would make it possible to further study subject’s brain physiology, possibly yielding results which lead to future profile identification and behavior modification and the inherent cost benefit results.
posted by Big Jon, Bully at 8:39 PM
